i think i have two assholes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
