My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
