So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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