@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
