Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
