I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
