this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I need water and some morals
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
