You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
