guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
