if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
