that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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