i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
