The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
