Everything about him screamed your future.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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