Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
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