we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
