I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If that was your dad, he is hot
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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