is this the sara with the beer cane?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
