I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
