So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
