there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
