Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
