i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
