dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
