Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
