I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
