sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
