i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
