The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
