you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
