I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
