Where is the hickey?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
