let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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