Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
