hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
