i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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