CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
