if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
