that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
50% drunk capacity currently
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
