Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
