Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
