Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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