508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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