Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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