sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
