you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
