Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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