i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
