i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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