Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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