bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
