You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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